Monday, September 5, 2011

It's important...

I try to only publish one post a day, and when I have lots to say, I save them for posts during the week, as I don't have time to sit and write every night.    But the craziness with Adam's parents called for a special Labor Day double posting.   So without further ago...

Adam and I hosted a Labor Day (Weekend) Barbecue on Sunday and had sent the invitations out WAY in advance to try and get better attendance (no luck with that - but oh well!).  Anyways, we sent the invite out back in mid-June and never got ANY response from his parents.   Now mind you, we were pretty sure they weren't going to come because we invited the rest of her family.    I had sent a few updates out within the last month because of a date change and I was trying to finalize numbers, and still no response from them. 

Then on Friday morning - two days before the barbecue, they finally responded - with of course a no response - I imagine they got the final reminder from evite, to actually spurn their response.   Later that morning, Adam got a call from his mom (really two) - the jist of the call(s) being that she wanted to know when we were gonna go to see them and complaining that they never see us and how she is hurt - blah, blah, blah*.

Then on Sunday morning Adam got a text from his dad saying that if we weren't going to the Phillies game on Monday, then he would like for us to come over and that its really important to him.   It took us a while to figure out the best way to respond to the text.   We were going to the Phillies game, but its not an all day affair (its a night game for that matter) and Im sick of this back and forth about it always being our fault, so I wanted to open ourselves up to seeing them.   But I wasn't gonna allow it to be on their terms, cause they have to learn (I know - that phrase is funny!) that its not all about them, and they have to compromise.

We had plans to go visit Adam's mom-mom in the nursing home that morning, so we texted FIL back (8 hours later..) to let him know we were going to the game, but that it was a night game, and we had plans to visit mom mom that morning, but they were more than welcome to come visit us between the two plans.   No response that night (even though Im fairly positive he saw it).   No response by 8am, even though I know they don't sleep past 6:30am.    No response by 10am. 

Finally, while we were with mom-mom, we heard back from FIL around 10:30am.   The response?  Call us when you get home, it depends on the weather. 

When we never heard back from them last night, we made plans to stop at our favorite burger joint, Five Guys, on the way home from visiting mom-mom, so we still did that, and when leaving there (at noon) we called FIL to let him know that we were leaving and would be home in 20 minutes if they wanted to come over.   The response?  

There is a flood warning, so call us when you get home and then we will decide.    Yes that's right - in that 20 minutes it would take us to get home (the same amount of time it would take them to get on the road), the sky's were just gonna open wide and start POURING down rain and cause mass flooding across the entire region and they were gonna be stuck in the middle of the turnpike when this happened!   

20 minutes later, when we get home and called them to let them know that we were home - the response? 

What time are you leaving for the Phillies game?   When we told them 4:30ish, they decided, immediately with no discussion, that they weren't gonna come because they didn't want to feel rushed.    They were clearly just looking for excuses, because it wasn't raining, and they didn't even have the time to discuss whether it was worth coming over in that time frame.    To put it into perspective, this conversation happened at 12:30, so even if they didn't leave until 1:30, they would get to us at 2:15 and have just over 2 hours to see us.    The conversation between the 4 of us would have been done in 15 minutes, so the level of uncomfortableness would have gotten to the point of them leaving well before 4:30pm.

Pretty much what it comes down to is:
- We don't make any efforts to see them unless we specifically drive over there to see them and only them - it doesn't count if its a family dinner and everyone is there.   Otherwise, any other attempts or visits (kids bday parties, barbecue for family and friends, offer to come to our house, etc) just don't count.
- They only want to see us to tell us what we are doing wrong, and they only feel comfortable treating us like little kids and chiding us when we sit on their sofa, in their house, in their comfort zone - with no place to go except listen to them chide and criticize our decisions and choices.

And yet they wonder why we never want to go see them...

*I saw them the week prior at the boys bday party - which they ran out of as soon as cake was served and the gifts were opened because it started to drizzle and they didn't want to get stuck in the hurricane on their 10 minute drive home. 

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