Saturday, April 4, 2015

A Year Later

My timehop yesterday showed me that a year ago I wrote/shared My "coming out" story, and although I knew what I wrote, I chose to read it when it appeared in my feed, because I knew that was the best writing I had ever done.

As I predicted in the original post, I did still have many tough times ahead of me (and I predict that will be the case for a little while longer) and I did power through.  But being true to who I am - someone who only accepts the very best from herself - when I look back over the course of the year, I am not very happy with the way I have handled it all.

Approximately 5 weeks after writing this post (on Mothers Day weekend), I was rocked hard when the separation became less amicable and my ex chose to hire a lawyer, file the divorce, child support and custody paperwork with the courts and no longer honor any part of the signed and notarized separation agreement we had in place.

Even though that took place almost a year ago, none of that has been resolved and just gets uglier as the days go on - and I'm not proud of where I have let that ugliness take me.

A year ago, I remained incredibly positive throughout it all and always found the path of happiness with each situation. Instead of sharing all the ugly details, I found uplifting quotes and stories and shared those.  

A glimpse back on the last 6 months shows a slightly different picture. Although I still listen to personal development everyday and try to exercise "as much as possible", I have gotten out of the habit of being in a great and happy routine consisting of my 21 Day Fix, personal development, and focusing on my personal and professional goals.  I might not post to facebook all the ugly details, but I am constantly sharing the details over the phone and in person with my friends and family, and instead of posting uplifting quotes, I share my aggravations.

When I re-read my "coming out" story, all of this hit me square in the face.  The woman who wrote that post was so strong, honest, positive and happy. To the outside world, I may still hold all those characteristics, but to me, I feel I've lost a step or two. 

Although this post is what truly made me realize it, I have noticed it for the last few weeks and have been listening to tons of TED talks to try and influence me to be more positive and stop letting the drama tear me down. One of the ones I came across last week is a talk by Matt Cutts titled "Try Something New for 30 Days" (its 3 and a half minutes - take the time to listen). 

After re-reading the post and thinking about how I move forward to become a positive person (again), that talk came to my mind. So today, I promise to myself - and all of my friends and family - to continue to strive forward to regaining all that positivity and happiness, and to help me do so, I will share (at least) one positive, uplifting, motivating or happy quote, picture or story every day. And every time something or someone frustrates me and makes me want to complain, I instead will come to facebook and share another positive, uplifting, motivating or happy quote, picture or story.

And if you see or hear me get negative or share my drama, instead of endulging the both of us with the details of the drama, I ask you to please do the opposite.  I give you permission to slap me in the face or yell at me and remind me of this post. Remind me that I'm better than all of that, that I can and will be the bigger person. 

Remind me that I can't protect my children from everything, but that I can show them through my own personal actions how a happy and positive person lives and let them see the full picture when they become adults and chose the best path for them.

Anyone else want to join me for this "be happy and be positive" 30 day challenge that I am going to take?