A thankful month - Day 9

Today I am thankful for my in-laws - okay, i kid i kid :)   In all seriousness, today I am thankful for my wonderful sisters (my real blood sisters, Ill make it to the sorority later on this month).   We fought plenty as youngsters and even had hair pulling fights as teenagers, but as young adults we have all grown to become friends.    We still have our times where we would love to strangle each other, but I couldn't imagine life without them.    

I know I'm quite different from my sisters, both in looks (I had a former co-worker think that the professional picture I had on my desk was me and my sorority sisters when I said it was my sisters) and personality - but there is never any doubting that we all love each other and will be there for each other.   Even though I've been blogging for a year and a half, and sometimes can be great with my words, Im not so great with my words when it comes to matters so personal sometimes, so Im just gonna say: Aimee and Lauren - always know I love you very much and always will - no matter the distance or "issue" I will always be here for you!

A thankful month - Day 3 and 4

In continuing with my thankful month (since I didn't do it in November)

Day 3:  I am thankful for Charger - our first "child". 

They say a dog is a man's best friend - and man does Charger show it.   Charger is always there for a cuddle when I'm upset and really knows how to just be my side and try and cheer me up.    His energy and love is enough to make the world smile.   He especially cheers up a room when he (of 80lb weight) jumps up on my lap, lathers my face and head with kisses and rubs his entire body all over me - as some of you have borne witness to :)  Trust me - it's an interesting and entertaining scene.    Charger is a big part of our lives and I can't wait for him to get more used to the kids so I can see the joy that he will put on their face and they on his!

Day 4 - I'm thankful for Kalas, our second "child".   Although he was supposed to be a she, and he can be a big PITA, he is such a lover and cuddle-bug.   And I love it when after playing with each other, he and Charger cuddle up with each other!   He also loves the kids and can be commonly found lying next to them and watching over them.

Best Buds...

It's always Thanksgiving...

I started a post on Thanksgiving morning, and am just getting back to it now, so most of this is written as if its Thanksgiving - cause I didn't feel like going back and changing everything :)

Thanksgiving a year ago, I had no clue how much life would change - and how Thanksgiving week would unknowingly be the beginning of those changes (add 34 weeks - learning lesson: first two weeks of your pregnancy, you aren't actually pregnant, its from the end of your last period) .   We have been through many ups and downs, but still came out on top - and for that I'm very thankful.

Over the course of November, I have been watching different facebook friends start their month of thankfulness - and I feel like I missed out since I didn't pick up on it until about 10 days in - so since I waited til Thanksgiving to start, and here we are on December 2nd and Im finally getting back to the post, Im gonna turn December into my month of thankfulness, and today, Ill just include two days of thankfulness :)   Now lets see if I can get to the blog everyday to write this.   

Day 1 - I'm thankful for my mom and dad.   They are ALWAYS there whenever you need anything and did an amazing job raising 3 beautiful and smart daughters!   My mom and I have always been close, but over the past few years (and especially the past year or so), my mom has been my best friend and someone I can confide in and just get all my feelings out there with.   Thank you mom and dad for everything you do - I love you more than words can say!

Day 2 - I'm thankful for my husband, Adam.   We have had our ups and downs, but we always figure out a way to come out on top.    Thank you for putting up with all my quirks and compulsiveness and still loving me in the end.   If that's not a true test of endurance and love - I'm not sure what is :)

The end is near...

So you have all read my many posts about my ILs, specifically about my MIL.   Before I continue with this post, I just want to make it clear for all the past posts and any future posts.  As horrible as they treat Hubby and I and as much as we bitch about them, that is pretty much as far as it will go from our side.  

I use this blog as my sort of public journal.   For all, but them, to read.  Its my place where I can write what Im feeling and thinking and that be the end of it.   The Dear MIL letters I have written in the past and have thought about for future posts, are just blog posts.   This is place for me to write it, you to see it, be entertained by their craziness and comment on it.

As much as I would like to tell my ILs that they are about to lose a relationship with Hubby and I and any future children we have, unlike them, I am unable to cut ties with family members and have my children grow up without their (crazy) grandparents if they are alive and well.   I say unlike them because that is important in this post.  

The background on the "unlike them" part is that they have cut ties with almost all family except for Hubby and Hubby's brother and his family.   They have cut ties with MILs sisters and their family and hate the fact that we recently have chosen to have a relationship with them.   They have a bad relationship with MILs father and significant other, and treat them like crap and hate that we all chose to have a relationship with them.   And the only reason they even have a (bad) relationship with MILs father is because he continues to make the effort, and is the only one to do so - g-d forbid she contacts him.   They barely talk to FILs brother and family anymore, although they haven't been completely cut off like MILs family.    FILs mother is in a nursing home and Id be shocked to find out that he visits her even once a month.     FILs cousins have not been cut out, but they don't talk to them.   They were invited to our wedding, but wedding festivities is/are the only time I have seen them in my entire time with Hubby.

So now that you understand all of that...

It looks like the end is near in regards to our relationship and our future childrens relationship with my ILs.    Hubby received an email yesterday from his dad that pretty much trashed me, called hubby cruel and made an attempt to end a relationship with us.   Here is the last paragraph from the email:

I do not know you any more and I am sad at the cold cruel person you have become. I thought we raised better than the person you have become. The time has come for you make a decision. All I ask is that you do it soon so Mom and I can move on with our lives with or without you and Lynda in it.

I drafted a response for Hubby to edit and send (hubby isn't good with those things, so I start them off and then let him go from there).   As of 2 hours ago, he said the letter is perfect as is, but isn't sure what he wants to do yet, so I think its still sitting in drafts.

The letter is not cruel like theirs and pretty much says that it is up to them to accept us for who we are, and we will never make a decision to cut anyone out of our family, but if that is what they want, then they can make that decision.    It also says that if they chose not to make that decision, then they need to learn to treat us with the respect that we deserve, and, as always, the same courtesy will be returned to them.

I was taught that you are born into a family, and you don't get to chose them, you accept them for who they are.   We bitch about them, but we understand this concept.   I just wish they would understand that.

Response to my IL

So my MIL just (finally) responded to the invite that she received, but claims she never saw.    I only saw this response because a friend alerted me to the response and specifically commented on how much of an ass they are for that response.   With that, I decided I was going to email her, and then I really started to be a bitch and I know I can't send it, but I also can't tame it down - so maybe you all can help me tame it down?   Here is what I have so far (as you can tell, I finally hit my point with them, and as you can also tell, my very violent response highlighted in my last point is not the direction I would really go when I hit my point, and instead I would go in this direction).

I just wanted to let you know that your hostility-filled response is not just seen by Adam and I - its seen by everyone on the invite.    And in all honesty the only reason I actually saw it is because I had multiple friends who saw your response and emailed me about it to see what your issue was.  

 

Furthermore, although you guys didn't see the invitation until 12/12, this invite was sent out to you at the same time it was sent out to everyone else - 2 months ago.    When I re-sent you the invitation on 12/12, it was exactly that.   I had to do a re-send, not invite someone new.   I'm sorry that you somehow did not see the original invitation, but that is not a reason to take it out on us and start a new fight up with Adam.    

 

Lastly, this email was sent solely by me, so when you have an issue with it, take it up with me - not with Adam.   I'm sick of you guys constantly emailing and calling him to yell at him when most of your issues boil down to me.    Ive about had enough of it and your childish antics.  

Don't worry - I didn't press send, I just closed out the email, but I really do want to say something - and specifically let them know that their antics are being seen by others outside of us - and by their own accord.

Can't go a week without IL drama...

I interrupt this work day to give you breaking news on the IL front.   Okay not breaking news, but I am giving up my lunch hour, but it is also for my own sanity and well being.   My ability to blog on these matters give me the opportunity to release my frustrations and move on to the next task at hand.

So 2 months ago, I sent out evites to Hubby and my 2nd Annual Christmukah Party - and as I always do on any invitation where family is involved, I unfortunately invited my ILs.   And as always happens, they never RSVPd to the invite.    By this point though - after not RSVPing to our Thanksgiving celebration and then planning their own, I gave up on following up, and just assumed they had other plans.

So this past weekend they asked my BIL if they could take out their kids, and BIL said they had our party, but they could take them out during the day and bring them to the party.   Well FIL and MIL acted as if they had no clue what BIL was talking about.   

A couple days later Hubby responded to an email about a different matter, and decided to ask whether they were coming, and they said they had no clue what we were talking about, that they were never invited.   So a bunch of emails and 2 phone calls later, its settled - they were invited, but didn't see the invite, we resent it last night.

Then this morning, in the middle of catching up from 3 days out of the office, I see a couple missed calls from Hubby and I call him back.   MIL is upset that they were an afterthought and not invited (reminiscent of THE BIG fight back in June prior to the existence of this blog) and wants us to come over to discuss (ie - to start up a new fight).   I told Hubby we can discuss later.   Actually, my exact words were - "I want to go out and buy a gun and kill your mom".   Don't worry, I would never do that, Im not full of that level of violence and it would be MUCH MUCH MUCH easier to just tell them to F*** Off and cease having any relationships with them.   But that too will have to wait until Hubby and I both have the guts to have that conversation.

Anyways, so I just checked my email on my lunch break to find an email forwarded to Hubby from his brother.    FIL sent an email to BIL this morning stating that "As of last night we were not invited and Adam confirmed this over the phone this morning.   We feel very excluded.".   LIES, LIES, LIES!!   Last night, Hubby confirmed that they were invited, and I resent the invitation to them.   At no point did Hubby ever say they weren't invited.  And if you feel excluded from OUR holiday party - then talk to us about it - not someone else.

Oh - and not only were you not excluded, but now you have a taste of your own medicine from when you excluded us from your competing Thanksgiving celebration and your family Hanukah celebrations.

Looks like the holidays are off to a great start...can't wait til we actually have to see them...maybe I should drink a bottle of wine and tell them how I really feel...

An update to the most recent MIL saga

As expected my MIL freaked out when I responded to my BILs email saying "the reason we never responded was because we were never actually invited".

Completely unexpected was that she actually responded to me.   Well partially.   She responded to me and said that Hubby and I were most certainly invited - she sent an email to Hubby and BIL to check on dates.   Also, that the dates I recommended (Monday before Christmas, Monday after Christmas) wouldn't work because FIL teaches on Mondays.

She then emailed Hubby an invitation for hanukkah (see, we were invited...) and then emailed Hubby a separate email saying they would look at the calendar and see what can be arranged, that we were most certainly invited, despite my response to BILs email, and that they wanted Hubby to call MIL because they "are quite upset at this turn of events".   Then MIL called Hubby 3 times that morning.

At the same time, SIL asked if I wanted them to push the Monday thing, or if I just wanted to get out of going.   I told her not to worry about it, but she decided to push it and here are the responses they got:
- FIL teaches class that night (the night after Christmas)
Oh, schools are closed for holiday break?   Then...
- FIL has a faculty meeting that night (again - the night after Christmas)
Oh, you say that's the day after Christmas?  Then...
- MIL has a faculty reception that night (not only the night after Christmas, but she works at a catholic school)

Then she went on to tell SIL and BIL that with family's growing, we can't always be together for the holidays because we have other family committments.

So let's review:
- The email MIL claims to have sent to Hubby and BIL was ONLY sent to BIL, and only had BILs email address on it, not hubby's. (again, because they don't care about us since we don't have offspring)
- The invite that was sent after I pointed out that we weren't invited, was sent AFTER the fact, therefore it just doesn't count!
- MIL continues to make craptastic excuses as to what they have on that Monday after Christmas - No one is working or has a holiday reception when you work for a community college and a catholic college!   I bet a lot of money that I could drive by their house that night, and they would both be home doing nothing.
- MIL continues to use the excuse of "as family's grow we can't all get together for holidays".   This is the second time that we weren't invited to a holiday function (in my opinion, completely on purpose) and then MIL eventually used this excuse about families growing and not always being able to spend holidays together. 
- Subpoint - my sisters are able to spend the holidays with both sides of the family and their families on both sides are the same size or larger.   Do any of you have both sides living in the same town, and just can't see them both for some reason?
 
The final result is that we will not be seeing them for the holiday, BUT I guarantee we receive an email or phone call in the next couple weeks asking when we are gonna come see them...

P.S. Look out in the next week for my "Dear MIL" letters that I would love to send!

Happy Thanksgiving

Hubby and my first turkey - cooked on the grill!

I want to wish all of my friends, family and followers a very Happy Thanksgiving!   On this thanksgiving, there is much to be thankful for...

• the amazing husband I have.   He loves me even when I'm an anal, OCD wife and annoy the crap out of him - even if he doesn't admit it, I know its true :)
• great parents who are always there for us when we need help, even when I don't admit it or ask for the help.
• two great sisters who are always my best friends even when I just want to fight like we did when we were younger (and man did we fight)
• great extended family, new and old.   Its always great to see them, hang out and catch up!  Wish we could do it more often.
• some of the best friends in the world, even if I don't get the chance to talk to them as often as I'd like, we can still pick up a phone and talk for hours.
• two lovable and amazing dogs that we rescued from the streets in the south.
• the fact that Hubby and I are both gainfully employed for only the second time since we have been together in 2008.
• that after a couple years at work, I'm finally really enjoying myself, my coworkers and my boss.
• that I'm able to afford the mortgage on my house, the utilities to heat and cool our house, the food in our house and all the "extra's" that allow us to live the life that we do - even when we struggle, we still live much more comfortably than many others.
• for the great thanksgiving lunch with my family and some yummy food

Overall, I'm very thankful for this great life I have to live with some very amazing friends and family who stand by me through all the ups and downs.

What are you all thankful for?

Can I trade in laws with someone?!?!

PLEASE?!?!?!   Does any want to deal with CRAZY over-the-top in laws.   You might think yours are crazy, but they can't be worse then mine, and it would be a much welcome break for me to have normal crazy for even a short period of time over CRAZY crazy.

So here's the newest story that everyone is itching to hear about after my facebook updates since last night.    Ill take you back to the "beginning".   My first year dating my hubby, my ILs invited us and my family over to their house for dinner.    Two years ago, my ILs invited us over again, but this time had a larger group of people.   Then last year, our first Thanksgiving as a married couple, his parents decided not to do anything because it was the year that my BIL/SIL spend with her side of the family.    (That is one of many signs that they don't care about their kids/significant others, they only care about our offspring, which we don't have yet, but my BIL/SIL do.)

So last year, we decided to take on the hosting of the Thanksgiving dinner, but we turned it into a lunch - as MANY people in America do a lunch or an EARLY dinner.  My ILs attended, even asked if they could invite a friend (we of course said yes, but she didn't come).  Everyone had such a great time, that we decided to host it again this year.   Hubby told his parents this back in the summer and we sent the invite out 2 weeks ago.

My SIL checked in last week to see if I heard back from them yet - and I hadn't - because they had emailed them to make sure they weren't doing anything, and were just planning on attending my Thanksgiving lunch.   So after BIL/SIL continued to try and figure out what ILs are doing, so that my SIL could finalize plans to attend the luncheon - she finally got an answer.

My ILs decided they are gonna do a dinner because its more traditional and they want to invite their friend.   And they pretty much are expecting my SIL and her family to attend the dinner at 5pm after my lunch that is called for 1:30pm.

I'm sorry - WTF!    I understand that some people jump from Thanksgiving function to function so that they can spend part of the day with all of their family - but those are different sides of the family - not within the same F'ing family.    If your son is hosting a Thanksgiving luncheon - why in g-d's name do you feel the need to host a dinner 3 and a half hours later?!?!?

So I found out about this dinner (of which we weren't invited to) last night as I was getting ready for my sisters Bachelorette party and hubby was getting ready for my future brother-in-laws bachelor party - so it didn't really get to really sink in until today.

So today, I had Hubby call his parents to discuss this situation:
- First off - still no rsvp from them - which I do have to say isn't necessary yet - as its a month away, and the invite has only been out for 2 weeks, but if you know you aren't gonna come because you are gonna back stab us - at least say so
- Second off - you don't even give us the decency to let us know you don't care that we are gonna host a family function, and you are gonna "compete" with us
- Thirdly - Your own son isn't invited to your "traditional" thanksgiving family dinner?!?!?  Its just your offspring who provided grandkids and your best friend?  
- Finally - Did you ever think about how rude you are being - and how if this was turned around how PO'd you'd be with us - and how you would be so "hurt and devastated" that family could do this to you?  (please note - this is NOT how I feel, but this is exactly how my MIL would tell us she feels if the tables were turned).

Wanna guess how the call went?

It ended up being two calls (Shocker!).   The first one (around 4:30pm today), MIL couldn't come up with a story quick enough, so she said that reception was bad and they would talk later.

The second one came around 8:15pm tonight - MIL calling hubby back.   This one was clearly more rehearsed.

Overall this is what was taken out of the conversation(s):
- They didn't know about our lunch until a couple days ago because they didn't see the evite (total bullshit, because one of the great things about evite is that I can at least see when people have viewed the invite - or that they haven't - and MIL viewed it 10 days ago.   Additionally BIL/SIL emailed them to see if they were coming to my place, so they saw that too.
- They didn't invite us because they assumed that we wouldn't be able to go.   Then when Hubby called them out on that, they said they didn't make that assumption, but that we know we are always invited to their place - and we have keys to let ourselves in.    Then they tried to cover their tracks by saying they didn't invite anyone, they didn't even invite BIL/SIL (BULLSHIT - how do they think we know about this?!?!)
- They always host Thanksgiving dinner every other year and invite their/her best friend, and we should know that.   But they understand that we can't come because now that we are married, we have to spend time with my side of the family.   (Yup - they decline our invite and put it on us).

Blah blah blah.   Pretty much, they are acting as if they did nothing wrong, and they understand that we can't spend all the holidays with them.   But of course we are still invited, and can make our final decision all the way up through that day and that they will try to stop by ours.

Oh - I should add that I really tried hard not to make them feel alienated, so I didn't invite my MILs father or sisters and their families (if you don't know the story - long story...short of it is my MIL refuses to talk to her family for absolutely no real reason) even though I really wanted to.  

Right now I really want to tell them that if the tables were turned we would be getting our asses handed to us on a silver platter by them and they would be bitching and moaning about how thoughtless and rude we are and how much we hurt them.   And continue with letting them know I'm done with the games, I plan to make no attempts to sugarcoat anything anymore and make things harder on me to make it easier on them.    And that we probably won't ever see them again, because ALL family will be invited to all events from here on out.

Unfortunately, as "in-your-face" as I can be, I don't have the guts to seperate hubby and our future children from these people Im supposed to call mom and dad.   Additionally, they still have credit card debt on OUR credit card - and at the rate they are going, it will take 3 more years to pay off what could easily be paid off in 3 months AT MOST - and Im just not willing to take on that extra $450 debt.

So any takers on the trading in-laws thing??

What is this world coming to?

So after a long day of working, I was finally ready to stop and go to bed at 10:45pm tonight when i decided to jump onto facebook - and Im glad I did. 

My immediate family and I recently reconnected with a cousin and met his wife and son.   We all had a great time together and already made future plans.   The night that we all met, my cousins wife friended me on facebook - and its been great, because she's gotten to know me through my blog posts and me her a bit through her facebook posts. 

Well anyways, back to tonight - my cousins wife had a post that I thought was interesting, but didn't think anything of it.   She mentioned that if you googled stabbing in mansfield, nj on aug 5 that there was tons of stuff populating - all the way to texas.   I don't know Jersey geography, so I just assumed that might have been near her.   Then I continued to read posts, and saw the one she posted before that.   The stabbing in Mansfield, NJ was my cousin, her husband.    He was just delivering gas (he's a tanker driver) when this guy just started stabbing him.    Sharon says he should be okay, but he is in the hospital overnight.    Keeping my cousin Jake and his wife and son in my thoughts and prayers.

Seriously what is this world coming to?!?!? 

With that, Im gonna try to be more appreciative of what I have in my life and of my family.   It really all could be gone in an instant.

Saturday Evening - Part 2 - Melting Pot and the aftermath

So in trying to figure out where to go after Taste, we had talked about going to the Melting Pot for their patio special, but we weren't sure if it was going to be too hot to do that.   In the end, it ended up being fine, and we went to the Melting Pot.   By the time we got there it was 7:30ish, so the heat had died down and they had umbrella's to try and minimize the heat from the sun that was still up.  

I'm not sure about the Melting Pot's near everyone else, but the one near us in Warrington has this great deal going right now, and I highly recommend it.    Its called Pinot on the Patio. For $20 per person you get a glass of Pinot Grigio or Pinot Noir, Cheese Fondue and Dessert Fondue.   For Melting Pot - that is a great deal.  


I was pleasantly impressed with the Pinot Noir - I kinda just expected it to be a crappy house Pinot.   Not sure what type it was, but it was good. 

For the cheese fondue, we ordered the spinach and artichoke.   It wasn't bad, but it wasn't great.   Of course you never would have guessed that the way we cleaned the fondue bowl - but then again, that was our dinner.

For the dessert fondue we had the Disarrono Meltdown.   This was yummy!   It was white chocolate and Disarrono Amaretto."flambeed" tableside.   There was no flambeeing tableside - the dude didn't even let it warm up before he left.  With all that being said, by the time we let it warm up - it was good.

So all in all a good evening out with some good company.   And then came the aftermath. 

The FIL ran into the Uncle and he innocently mentioned that we were out together the night before. So my husband got a call from the FIL about how Im tearing him apart from the family (not even gonna get started on this part) and how upset he is that we don't choose to spend our social time with them.  

Does anyone else make plans to go out for drinks and dinner with their parents or in-laws?   I go to Phillies games with my mom, and my parents make a family dinner every Sunday night, but I don't make plans to go out with my folks - and I surely don't have any intention to do it with my in-laws.    With other family members that are closer in age to us and that we consider friends - yes!   With family members that are banned by the ILs - yes, cause thats the only way we see them.   With friends - OF COURSE!