The end is near...

So you have all read my many posts about my ILs, specifically about my MIL.   Before I continue with this post, I just want to make it clear for all the past posts and any future posts.  As horrible as they treat Hubby and I and as much as we bitch about them, that is pretty much as far as it will go from our side.  

I use this blog as my sort of public journal.   For all, but them, to read.  Its my place where I can write what Im feeling and thinking and that be the end of it.   The Dear MIL letters I have written in the past and have thought about for future posts, are just blog posts.   This is place for me to write it, you to see it, be entertained by their craziness and comment on it.

As much as I would like to tell my ILs that they are about to lose a relationship with Hubby and I and any future children we have, unlike them, I am unable to cut ties with family members and have my children grow up without their (crazy) grandparents if they are alive and well.   I say unlike them because that is important in this post.  

The background on the "unlike them" part is that they have cut ties with almost all family except for Hubby and Hubby's brother and his family.   They have cut ties with MILs sisters and their family and hate the fact that we recently have chosen to have a relationship with them.   They have a bad relationship with MILs father and significant other, and treat them like crap and hate that we all chose to have a relationship with them.   And the only reason they even have a (bad) relationship with MILs father is because he continues to make the effort, and is the only one to do so - g-d forbid she contacts him.   They barely talk to FILs brother and family anymore, although they haven't been completely cut off like MILs family.    FILs mother is in a nursing home and Id be shocked to find out that he visits her even once a month.     FILs cousins have not been cut out, but they don't talk to them.   They were invited to our wedding, but wedding festivities is/are the only time I have seen them in my entire time with Hubby.

So now that you understand all of that...

It looks like the end is near in regards to our relationship and our future childrens relationship with my ILs.    Hubby received an email yesterday from his dad that pretty much trashed me, called hubby cruel and made an attempt to end a relationship with us.   Here is the last paragraph from the email:

I do not know you any more and I am sad at the cold cruel person you have become. I thought we raised better than the person you have become. The time has come for you make a decision. All I ask is that you do it soon so Mom and I can move on with our lives with or without you and Lynda in it.

I drafted a response for Hubby to edit and send (hubby isn't good with those things, so I start them off and then let him go from there).   As of 2 hours ago, he said the letter is perfect as is, but isn't sure what he wants to do yet, so I think its still sitting in drafts.

The letter is not cruel like theirs and pretty much says that it is up to them to accept us for who we are, and we will never make a decision to cut anyone out of our family, but if that is what they want, then they can make that decision.    It also says that if they chose not to make that decision, then they need to learn to treat us with the respect that we deserve, and, as always, the same courtesy will be returned to them.

I was taught that you are born into a family, and you don't get to chose them, you accept them for who they are.   We bitch about them, but we understand this concept.   I just wish they would understand that.

Response to my IL

So my MIL just (finally) responded to the invite that she received, but claims she never saw.    I only saw this response because a friend alerted me to the response and specifically commented on how much of an ass they are for that response.   With that, I decided I was going to email her, and then I really started to be a bitch and I know I can't send it, but I also can't tame it down - so maybe you all can help me tame it down?   Here is what I have so far (as you can tell, I finally hit my point with them, and as you can also tell, my very violent response highlighted in my last point is not the direction I would really go when I hit my point, and instead I would go in this direction).

I just wanted to let you know that your hostility-filled response is not just seen by Adam and I - its seen by everyone on the invite.    And in all honesty the only reason I actually saw it is because I had multiple friends who saw your response and emailed me about it to see what your issue was.  

 

Furthermore, although you guys didn't see the invitation until 12/12, this invite was sent out to you at the same time it was sent out to everyone else - 2 months ago.    When I re-sent you the invitation on 12/12, it was exactly that.   I had to do a re-send, not invite someone new.   I'm sorry that you somehow did not see the original invitation, but that is not a reason to take it out on us and start a new fight up with Adam.    

 

Lastly, this email was sent solely by me, so when you have an issue with it, take it up with me - not with Adam.   I'm sick of you guys constantly emailing and calling him to yell at him when most of your issues boil down to me.    Ive about had enough of it and your childish antics.  

Don't worry - I didn't press send, I just closed out the email, but I really do want to say something - and specifically let them know that their antics are being seen by others outside of us - and by their own accord.

I guess it could be worse...

So a co-worker just sent me this article about bad in-laws...

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/12/12/bad-in-laws-tweeters_n_1140357.html?icid=maing-grid7|maing7|dl20|sec3_lnk1|119587#s533942&title=Jonna

Can't go a week without IL drama...

I interrupt this work day to give you breaking news on the IL front.   Okay not breaking news, but I am giving up my lunch hour, but it is also for my own sanity and well being.   My ability to blog on these matters give me the opportunity to release my frustrations and move on to the next task at hand.

So 2 months ago, I sent out evites to Hubby and my 2nd Annual Christmukah Party - and as I always do on any invitation where family is involved, I unfortunately invited my ILs.   And as always happens, they never RSVPd to the invite.    By this point though - after not RSVPing to our Thanksgiving celebration and then planning their own, I gave up on following up, and just assumed they had other plans.

So this past weekend they asked my BIL if they could take out their kids, and BIL said they had our party, but they could take them out during the day and bring them to the party.   Well FIL and MIL acted as if they had no clue what BIL was talking about.   

A couple days later Hubby responded to an email about a different matter, and decided to ask whether they were coming, and they said they had no clue what we were talking about, that they were never invited.   So a bunch of emails and 2 phone calls later, its settled - they were invited, but didn't see the invite, we resent it last night.

Then this morning, in the middle of catching up from 3 days out of the office, I see a couple missed calls from Hubby and I call him back.   MIL is upset that they were an afterthought and not invited (reminiscent of THE BIG fight back in June prior to the existence of this blog) and wants us to come over to discuss (ie - to start up a new fight).   I told Hubby we can discuss later.   Actually, my exact words were - "I want to go out and buy a gun and kill your mom".   Don't worry, I would never do that, Im not full of that level of violence and it would be MUCH MUCH MUCH easier to just tell them to F*** Off and cease having any relationships with them.   But that too will have to wait until Hubby and I both have the guts to have that conversation.

Anyways, so I just checked my email on my lunch break to find an email forwarded to Hubby from his brother.    FIL sent an email to BIL this morning stating that "As of last night we were not invited and Adam confirmed this over the phone this morning.   We feel very excluded.".   LIES, LIES, LIES!!   Last night, Hubby confirmed that they were invited, and I resent the invitation to them.   At no point did Hubby ever say they weren't invited.  And if you feel excluded from OUR holiday party - then talk to us about it - not someone else.

Oh - and not only were you not excluded, but now you have a taste of your own medicine from when you excluded us from your competing Thanksgiving celebration and your family Hanukah celebrations.

Looks like the holidays are off to a great start...can't wait til we actually have to see them...maybe I should drink a bottle of wine and tell them how I really feel...

An update to the most recent MIL saga

As expected my MIL freaked out when I responded to my BILs email saying "the reason we never responded was because we were never actually invited".

Completely unexpected was that she actually responded to me.   Well partially.   She responded to me and said that Hubby and I were most certainly invited - she sent an email to Hubby and BIL to check on dates.   Also, that the dates I recommended (Monday before Christmas, Monday after Christmas) wouldn't work because FIL teaches on Mondays.

She then emailed Hubby an invitation for hanukkah (see, we were invited...) and then emailed Hubby a separate email saying they would look at the calendar and see what can be arranged, that we were most certainly invited, despite my response to BILs email, and that they wanted Hubby to call MIL because they "are quite upset at this turn of events".   Then MIL called Hubby 3 times that morning.

At the same time, SIL asked if I wanted them to push the Monday thing, or if I just wanted to get out of going.   I told her not to worry about it, but she decided to push it and here are the responses they got:
- FIL teaches class that night (the night after Christmas)
Oh, schools are closed for holiday break?   Then...
- FIL has a faculty meeting that night (again - the night after Christmas)
Oh, you say that's the day after Christmas?  Then...
- MIL has a faculty reception that night (not only the night after Christmas, but she works at a catholic school)

Then she went on to tell SIL and BIL that with family's growing, we can't always be together for the holidays because we have other family committments.

So let's review:
- The email MIL claims to have sent to Hubby and BIL was ONLY sent to BIL, and only had BILs email address on it, not hubby's. (again, because they don't care about us since we don't have offspring)
- The invite that was sent after I pointed out that we weren't invited, was sent AFTER the fact, therefore it just doesn't count!
- MIL continues to make craptastic excuses as to what they have on that Monday after Christmas - No one is working or has a holiday reception when you work for a community college and a catholic college!   I bet a lot of money that I could drive by their house that night, and they would both be home doing nothing.
- MIL continues to use the excuse of "as family's grow we can't all get together for holidays".   This is the second time that we weren't invited to a holiday function (in my opinion, completely on purpose) and then MIL eventually used this excuse about families growing and not always being able to spend holidays together. 
- Subpoint - my sisters are able to spend the holidays with both sides of the family and their families on both sides are the same size or larger.   Do any of you have both sides living in the same town, and just can't see them both for some reason?
 
The final result is that we will not be seeing them for the holiday, BUT I guarantee we receive an email or phone call in the next couple weeks asking when we are gonna come see them...

P.S. Look out in the next week for my "Dear MIL" letters that I would love to send!

Here we go again....

The ILs are at it again, although I guess it never stops.    Hubby got a phone call 20 minutes ago while we were driving, so when we got home, he checked who it was, and guess who?   His parents.    He called them back, and they called to bitch to hubby about the fact that he doesn't keep in touch enough.  FIL said that when hubby was unemployed, they called constantly to check in on him (also known as annoying nagging to others outside of my ILs) and they would appreciate if he called them.  

Oh - did I mention, hubby called them last Thursday?


Additionally, he wants hubby to send him my future brother-in-laws email address - presumably so he can send him his resume.   My (future) BIL is in a similar business only if you consider a doctor and a pharmaceutical sales rep in a similar business because they are both in the medical field.    Mind you, I don't really understand what either does, but I understand enough to know that they are under the same general field heading, but completely different jobs.

Oh - did I mention that when hubby got laid off for a second time in our time together (which hubby got an interview at because of someone his dad knew,), FIL blamed it on hubby and told him he wasn't putting him in touch with anyone else because he was just gonna screw it up.


Their selfishness just reaches a whole new level every single time we talk to them....

It's important...

I try to only publish one post a day, and when I have lots to say, I save them for posts during the week, as I don't have time to sit and write every night.    But the craziness with Adam's parents called for a special Labor Day double posting.   So without further ago...

Adam and I hosted a Labor Day (Weekend) Barbecue on Sunday and had sent the invitations out WAY in advance to try and get better attendance (no luck with that - but oh well!).  Anyways, we sent the invite out back in mid-June and never got ANY response from his parents.   Now mind you, we were pretty sure they weren't going to come because we invited the rest of her family.    I had sent a few updates out within the last month because of a date change and I was trying to finalize numbers, and still no response from them. 

Then on Friday morning - two days before the barbecue, they finally responded - with of course a no response - I imagine they got the final reminder from evite, to actually spurn their response.   Later that morning, Adam got a call from his mom (really two) - the jist of the call(s) being that she wanted to know when we were gonna go to see them and complaining that they never see us and how she is hurt - blah, blah, blah*.

Then on Sunday morning Adam got a text from his dad saying that if we weren't going to the Phillies game on Monday, then he would like for us to come over and that its really important to him.   It took us a while to figure out the best way to respond to the text.   We were going to the Phillies game, but its not an all day affair (its a night game for that matter) and Im sick of this back and forth about it always being our fault, so I wanted to open ourselves up to seeing them.   But I wasn't gonna allow it to be on their terms, cause they have to learn (I know - that phrase is funny!) that its not all about them, and they have to compromise.

We had plans to go visit Adam's mom-mom in the nursing home that morning, so we texted FIL back (8 hours later..) to let him know we were going to the game, but that it was a night game, and we had plans to visit mom mom that morning, but they were more than welcome to come visit us between the two plans.   No response that night (even though Im fairly positive he saw it).   No response by 8am, even though I know they don't sleep past 6:30am.    No response by 10am. 

Finally, while we were with mom-mom, we heard back from FIL around 10:30am.   The response?  Call us when you get home, it depends on the weather. 

When we never heard back from them last night, we made plans to stop at our favorite burger joint, Five Guys, on the way home from visiting mom-mom, so we still did that, and when leaving there (at noon) we called FIL to let him know that we were leaving and would be home in 20 minutes if they wanted to come over.   The response?  

There is a flood warning, so call us when you get home and then we will decide.    Yes that's right - in that 20 minutes it would take us to get home (the same amount of time it would take them to get on the road), the sky's were just gonna open wide and start POURING down rain and cause mass flooding across the entire region and they were gonna be stuck in the middle of the turnpike when this happened!   

20 minutes later, when we get home and called them to let them know that we were home - the response? 

What time are you leaving for the Phillies game?   When we told them 4:30ish, they decided, immediately with no discussion, that they weren't gonna come because they didn't want to feel rushed.    They were clearly just looking for excuses, because it wasn't raining, and they didn't even have the time to discuss whether it was worth coming over in that time frame.    To put it into perspective, this conversation happened at 12:30, so even if they didn't leave until 1:30, they would get to us at 2:15 and have just over 2 hours to see us.    The conversation between the 4 of us would have been done in 15 minutes, so the level of uncomfortableness would have gotten to the point of them leaving well before 4:30pm.

Pretty much what it comes down to is:
- We don't make any efforts to see them unless we specifically drive over there to see them and only them - it doesn't count if its a family dinner and everyone is there.   Otherwise, any other attempts or visits (kids bday parties, barbecue for family and friends, offer to come to our house, etc) just don't count.
- They only want to see us to tell us what we are doing wrong, and they only feel comfortable treating us like little kids and chiding us when we sit on their sofa, in their house, in their comfort zone - with no place to go except listen to them chide and criticize our decisions and choices.

And yet they wonder why we never want to go see them...

*I saw them the week prior at the boys bday party - which they ran out of as soon as cake was served and the gifts were opened because it started to drizzle and they didn't want to get stuck in the hurricane on their 10 minute drive home. 

Saturday Evening - Part 2 - Melting Pot and the aftermath

So in trying to figure out where to go after Taste, we had talked about going to the Melting Pot for their patio special, but we weren't sure if it was going to be too hot to do that.   In the end, it ended up being fine, and we went to the Melting Pot.   By the time we got there it was 7:30ish, so the heat had died down and they had umbrella's to try and minimize the heat from the sun that was still up.  

I'm not sure about the Melting Pot's near everyone else, but the one near us in Warrington has this great deal going right now, and I highly recommend it.    Its called Pinot on the Patio. For $20 per person you get a glass of Pinot Grigio or Pinot Noir, Cheese Fondue and Dessert Fondue.   For Melting Pot - that is a great deal.  


I was pleasantly impressed with the Pinot Noir - I kinda just expected it to be a crappy house Pinot.   Not sure what type it was, but it was good. 

For the cheese fondue, we ordered the spinach and artichoke.   It wasn't bad, but it wasn't great.   Of course you never would have guessed that the way we cleaned the fondue bowl - but then again, that was our dinner.

For the dessert fondue we had the Disarrono Meltdown.   This was yummy!   It was white chocolate and Disarrono Amaretto."flambeed" tableside.   There was no flambeeing tableside - the dude didn't even let it warm up before he left.  With all that being said, by the time we let it warm up - it was good.

So all in all a good evening out with some good company.   And then came the aftermath. 

The FIL ran into the Uncle and he innocently mentioned that we were out together the night before. So my husband got a call from the FIL about how Im tearing him apart from the family (not even gonna get started on this part) and how upset he is that we don't choose to spend our social time with them.  

Does anyone else make plans to go out for drinks and dinner with their parents or in-laws?   I go to Phillies games with my mom, and my parents make a family dinner every Sunday night, but I don't make plans to go out with my folks - and I surely don't have any intention to do it with my in-laws.    With other family members that are closer in age to us and that we consider friends - yes!   With family members that are banned by the ILs - yes, cause thats the only way we see them.   With friends - OF COURSE!