The end is near...

So you have all read my many posts about my ILs, specifically about my MIL.   Before I continue with this post, I just want to make it clear for all the past posts and any future posts.  As horrible as they treat Hubby and I and as much as we bitch about them, that is pretty much as far as it will go from our side.  

I use this blog as my sort of public journal.   For all, but them, to read.  Its my place where I can write what Im feeling and thinking and that be the end of it.   The Dear MIL letters I have written in the past and have thought about for future posts, are just blog posts.   This is place for me to write it, you to see it, be entertained by their craziness and comment on it.

As much as I would like to tell my ILs that they are about to lose a relationship with Hubby and I and any future children we have, unlike them, I am unable to cut ties with family members and have my children grow up without their (crazy) grandparents if they are alive and well.   I say unlike them because that is important in this post.  

The background on the "unlike them" part is that they have cut ties with almost all family except for Hubby and Hubby's brother and his family.   They have cut ties with MILs sisters and their family and hate the fact that we recently have chosen to have a relationship with them.   They have a bad relationship with MILs father and significant other, and treat them like crap and hate that we all chose to have a relationship with them.   And the only reason they even have a (bad) relationship with MILs father is because he continues to make the effort, and is the only one to do so - g-d forbid she contacts him.   They barely talk to FILs brother and family anymore, although they haven't been completely cut off like MILs family.    FILs mother is in a nursing home and Id be shocked to find out that he visits her even once a month.     FILs cousins have not been cut out, but they don't talk to them.   They were invited to our wedding, but wedding festivities is/are the only time I have seen them in my entire time with Hubby.

So now that you understand all of that...

It looks like the end is near in regards to our relationship and our future childrens relationship with my ILs.    Hubby received an email yesterday from his dad that pretty much trashed me, called hubby cruel and made an attempt to end a relationship with us.   Here is the last paragraph from the email:

I do not know you any more and I am sad at the cold cruel person you have become. I thought we raised better than the person you have become. The time has come for you make a decision. All I ask is that you do it soon so Mom and I can move on with our lives with or without you and Lynda in it.

I drafted a response for Hubby to edit and send (hubby isn't good with those things, so I start them off and then let him go from there).   As of 2 hours ago, he said the letter is perfect as is, but isn't sure what he wants to do yet, so I think its still sitting in drafts.

The letter is not cruel like theirs and pretty much says that it is up to them to accept us for who we are, and we will never make a decision to cut anyone out of our family, but if that is what they want, then they can make that decision.    It also says that if they chose not to make that decision, then they need to learn to treat us with the respect that we deserve, and, as always, the same courtesy will be returned to them.

I was taught that you are born into a family, and you don't get to chose them, you accept them for who they are.   We bitch about them, but we understand this concept.   I just wish they would understand that.

I guess it could be worse...

So a co-worker just sent me this article about bad in-laws...

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/12/12/bad-in-laws-tweeters_n_1140357.html?icid=maing-grid7|maing7|dl20|sec3_lnk1|119587#s533942&title=Jonna

Can't go a week without IL drama...

I interrupt this work day to give you breaking news on the IL front.   Okay not breaking news, but I am giving up my lunch hour, but it is also for my own sanity and well being.   My ability to blog on these matters give me the opportunity to release my frustrations and move on to the next task at hand.

So 2 months ago, I sent out evites to Hubby and my 2nd Annual Christmukah Party - and as I always do on any invitation where family is involved, I unfortunately invited my ILs.   And as always happens, they never RSVPd to the invite.    By this point though - after not RSVPing to our Thanksgiving celebration and then planning their own, I gave up on following up, and just assumed they had other plans.

So this past weekend they asked my BIL if they could take out their kids, and BIL said they had our party, but they could take them out during the day and bring them to the party.   Well FIL and MIL acted as if they had no clue what BIL was talking about.   

A couple days later Hubby responded to an email about a different matter, and decided to ask whether they were coming, and they said they had no clue what we were talking about, that they were never invited.   So a bunch of emails and 2 phone calls later, its settled - they were invited, but didn't see the invite, we resent it last night.

Then this morning, in the middle of catching up from 3 days out of the office, I see a couple missed calls from Hubby and I call him back.   MIL is upset that they were an afterthought and not invited (reminiscent of THE BIG fight back in June prior to the existence of this blog) and wants us to come over to discuss (ie - to start up a new fight).   I told Hubby we can discuss later.   Actually, my exact words were - "I want to go out and buy a gun and kill your mom".   Don't worry, I would never do that, Im not full of that level of violence and it would be MUCH MUCH MUCH easier to just tell them to F*** Off and cease having any relationships with them.   But that too will have to wait until Hubby and I both have the guts to have that conversation.

Anyways, so I just checked my email on my lunch break to find an email forwarded to Hubby from his brother.    FIL sent an email to BIL this morning stating that "As of last night we were not invited and Adam confirmed this over the phone this morning.   We feel very excluded.".   LIES, LIES, LIES!!   Last night, Hubby confirmed that they were invited, and I resent the invitation to them.   At no point did Hubby ever say they weren't invited.  And if you feel excluded from OUR holiday party - then talk to us about it - not someone else.

Oh - and not only were you not excluded, but now you have a taste of your own medicine from when you excluded us from your competing Thanksgiving celebration and your family Hanukah celebrations.

Looks like the holidays are off to a great start...can't wait til we actually have to see them...maybe I should drink a bottle of wine and tell them how I really feel...

Here we go again....

The ILs are at it again, although I guess it never stops.    Hubby got a phone call 20 minutes ago while we were driving, so when we got home, he checked who it was, and guess who?   His parents.    He called them back, and they called to bitch to hubby about the fact that he doesn't keep in touch enough.  FIL said that when hubby was unemployed, they called constantly to check in on him (also known as annoying nagging to others outside of my ILs) and they would appreciate if he called them.  

Oh - did I mention, hubby called them last Thursday?


Additionally, he wants hubby to send him my future brother-in-laws email address - presumably so he can send him his resume.   My (future) BIL is in a similar business only if you consider a doctor and a pharmaceutical sales rep in a similar business because they are both in the medical field.    Mind you, I don't really understand what either does, but I understand enough to know that they are under the same general field heading, but completely different jobs.

Oh - did I mention that when hubby got laid off for a second time in our time together (which hubby got an interview at because of someone his dad knew,), FIL blamed it on hubby and told him he wasn't putting him in touch with anyone else because he was just gonna screw it up.


Their selfishness just reaches a whole new level every single time we talk to them....

It's important...

I try to only publish one post a day, and when I have lots to say, I save them for posts during the week, as I don't have time to sit and write every night.    But the craziness with Adam's parents called for a special Labor Day double posting.   So without further ago...

Adam and I hosted a Labor Day (Weekend) Barbecue on Sunday and had sent the invitations out WAY in advance to try and get better attendance (no luck with that - but oh well!).  Anyways, we sent the invite out back in mid-June and never got ANY response from his parents.   Now mind you, we were pretty sure they weren't going to come because we invited the rest of her family.    I had sent a few updates out within the last month because of a date change and I was trying to finalize numbers, and still no response from them. 

Then on Friday morning - two days before the barbecue, they finally responded - with of course a no response - I imagine they got the final reminder from evite, to actually spurn their response.   Later that morning, Adam got a call from his mom (really two) - the jist of the call(s) being that she wanted to know when we were gonna go to see them and complaining that they never see us and how she is hurt - blah, blah, blah*.

Then on Sunday morning Adam got a text from his dad saying that if we weren't going to the Phillies game on Monday, then he would like for us to come over and that its really important to him.   It took us a while to figure out the best way to respond to the text.   We were going to the Phillies game, but its not an all day affair (its a night game for that matter) and Im sick of this back and forth about it always being our fault, so I wanted to open ourselves up to seeing them.   But I wasn't gonna allow it to be on their terms, cause they have to learn (I know - that phrase is funny!) that its not all about them, and they have to compromise.

We had plans to go visit Adam's mom-mom in the nursing home that morning, so we texted FIL back (8 hours later..) to let him know we were going to the game, but that it was a night game, and we had plans to visit mom mom that morning, but they were more than welcome to come visit us between the two plans.   No response that night (even though Im fairly positive he saw it).   No response by 8am, even though I know they don't sleep past 6:30am.    No response by 10am. 

Finally, while we were with mom-mom, we heard back from FIL around 10:30am.   The response?  Call us when you get home, it depends on the weather. 

When we never heard back from them last night, we made plans to stop at our favorite burger joint, Five Guys, on the way home from visiting mom-mom, so we still did that, and when leaving there (at noon) we called FIL to let him know that we were leaving and would be home in 20 minutes if they wanted to come over.   The response?  

There is a flood warning, so call us when you get home and then we will decide.    Yes that's right - in that 20 minutes it would take us to get home (the same amount of time it would take them to get on the road), the sky's were just gonna open wide and start POURING down rain and cause mass flooding across the entire region and they were gonna be stuck in the middle of the turnpike when this happened!   

20 minutes later, when we get home and called them to let them know that we were home - the response? 

What time are you leaving for the Phillies game?   When we told them 4:30ish, they decided, immediately with no discussion, that they weren't gonna come because they didn't want to feel rushed.    They were clearly just looking for excuses, because it wasn't raining, and they didn't even have the time to discuss whether it was worth coming over in that time frame.    To put it into perspective, this conversation happened at 12:30, so even if they didn't leave until 1:30, they would get to us at 2:15 and have just over 2 hours to see us.    The conversation between the 4 of us would have been done in 15 minutes, so the level of uncomfortableness would have gotten to the point of them leaving well before 4:30pm.

Pretty much what it comes down to is:
- We don't make any efforts to see them unless we specifically drive over there to see them and only them - it doesn't count if its a family dinner and everyone is there.   Otherwise, any other attempts or visits (kids bday parties, barbecue for family and friends, offer to come to our house, etc) just don't count.
- They only want to see us to tell us what we are doing wrong, and they only feel comfortable treating us like little kids and chiding us when we sit on their sofa, in their house, in their comfort zone - with no place to go except listen to them chide and criticize our decisions and choices.

And yet they wonder why we never want to go see them...

*I saw them the week prior at the boys bday party - which they ran out of as soon as cake was served and the gifts were opened because it started to drizzle and they didn't want to get stuck in the hurricane on their 10 minute drive home. 

Everyones favorite topic to read about - my in-laws

Based on the stats that I can track through blogger - the topic people most enjoy reading about is my in-laws - and how couldn't you - they are just that crazy and ridiculous its so funny and enjoyable to read about. 

So I'm gonna try to write a weekly post about their craziness.   Since I'm currently in the middle of a really good streak of not seeing or talking to them, Ill be going back into the 3 year vault of stories for some of these weekly posts :) 

Thinking about it, I think the last time we saw them was for the "pizza party" that MIL threw for FIL in the beginning of July.    That's right - Ive gone almost 2 months without seeing or talking them - and its been wonderful!  Of course, during that time, Adam has gotten calls from them bitching about me on numerous occasions - but alas, its impossible to be completely free of their craziness.   Unfortunately, that streak will be broken on Saturday for the sake of attending the joint birthday party of my nephews - but I'm sure the few hours spent with them will provide for some entertaining stories later...

Since I mentioned the pizza party - I guess Ill start with that topic for this post.   Back in the end of June, we received a card in the mail.   When I looked at it, it had no return address (which was a sure sign it came from the in-laws, cause my MIL refuses to put a return of address on things she sends - or at least to us, which is one of my many small pet peeves with them).   But I wasn't sure cause I could tell that there was a kids party invitation inside.   We were 2 months away from any of the nieces or nephews birthdays, so I was really confused.   I finally opened it up - and it WAS from my ILs.   It was an invitation in the shape of a pizza slice - and for a pizza party for my FILs bday.   SERIOUSLY?!?!?   First off - the invitations was circa 1990 - and if it really wasn't that old - then that's just more pathetic.   Second off - the invitation went out to a whole TWO freaking people - Adam and I and my SIL and BIL.   Just f*ing call us and invite us over for dinner for his bday, don't make some stupid big deal with a childish invitation.   

Unfortunately, we had no plans, and I knew we had to go, so I had Adam call to RSVP, but let them know we would be late, as they are calling the party for 5pm - and Adam doesn't get off work until 5pm.  He still has to come home, change/clean up and we have another 45 minute drive to get to their house - so we wouldn't be there until 6:30ish.   Im pretty sure they weren't thrilled we were coming late - but work has priority in this instance over some childish attempt to invite us over.

Party day eventually arrives - and Adam calls to let them know we will be leaving shortly, and guess what - they went out to dinner with my SIL, BIL and nephews and were gonna bring home a pizza for us.    I knew they were gonna eat before we got there, because they eat dinner crazy early and it annoys me that they don't have the decency to wait for us when they invite us over - but I'm somewhat used to it now.   But seriously - you take everyone else out to dinner to order whatever they want and then bring home a pizza and keep it in a warm oven for us?

We of course still went, and I didn't eat anything or really talk to them much because a) I was trying to be healthy and didn't want pizza and b) I was annoyed at them.   

My MIL must have asked me if I wanted pizza about 6 times - 5 of those times I politely said, no thank you, Im fine for now, and continued to play with the boys.    On the 6th and final time, I finally had enough of the same question and gave some attitude with my answer - which clearly annoyed FIL and MIL - but MIL FINALLY stopped asking.     Although that wouldn't be the end of it...

The next morning Adam got a call from MIL pretty much asking what my issue was.   If you have an issue with me, "man up" and bring it up to me - not to Adam. 

Why can't I just have normal in-laws?   I know they provide good entertainment and stories - but they get to me.  I hate how the thought of them or sound of their name is like fingernails on a chalkboard....

Dear FIL and MIL...

Dear FIL and MIL,

Have you ever noticed that you have better relationships with your friends than you do with any of your family members?!?   Im not sure how your friends are actually friends with you, except that you treat them completely differently.  

If this is the case than I highly recommend you consider treating your family members like you do your friends.

The reason we never call you or visit you is because we only get in trouble for doing SOMETHING whenever we see you (and for that matter when we don't).    Its not enjoyable for us to make arrangements on one of the 2 nights we have together just to be miserable and get in trouble for whatever the issue of the day is.

You want us to have a great relationship with you, but we refuse to put up with your BS, so either you can straighten up and treat us nicely, or you can risk losing another familial relationship, which would leave you with what - 2 familial relationships?

Sincerely,
Lynda

P.S. Sending nasty emails to "reintroduce" yourself to your son is immature, rude and completely unnecessary (kinda like this post - except this at least will provide stress-relief for me, entertainment for others and theoretically, you'll never see it).

Saturday Evening - Part 2 - Melting Pot and the aftermath

So in trying to figure out where to go after Taste, we had talked about going to the Melting Pot for their patio special, but we weren't sure if it was going to be too hot to do that.   In the end, it ended up being fine, and we went to the Melting Pot.   By the time we got there it was 7:30ish, so the heat had died down and they had umbrella's to try and minimize the heat from the sun that was still up.  

I'm not sure about the Melting Pot's near everyone else, but the one near us in Warrington has this great deal going right now, and I highly recommend it.    Its called Pinot on the Patio. For $20 per person you get a glass of Pinot Grigio or Pinot Noir, Cheese Fondue and Dessert Fondue.   For Melting Pot - that is a great deal.  


I was pleasantly impressed with the Pinot Noir - I kinda just expected it to be a crappy house Pinot.   Not sure what type it was, but it was good. 

For the cheese fondue, we ordered the spinach and artichoke.   It wasn't bad, but it wasn't great.   Of course you never would have guessed that the way we cleaned the fondue bowl - but then again, that was our dinner.

For the dessert fondue we had the Disarrono Meltdown.   This was yummy!   It was white chocolate and Disarrono Amaretto."flambeed" tableside.   There was no flambeeing tableside - the dude didn't even let it warm up before he left.  With all that being said, by the time we let it warm up - it was good.

So all in all a good evening out with some good company.   And then came the aftermath. 

The FIL ran into the Uncle and he innocently mentioned that we were out together the night before. So my husband got a call from the FIL about how Im tearing him apart from the family (not even gonna get started on this part) and how upset he is that we don't choose to spend our social time with them.  

Does anyone else make plans to go out for drinks and dinner with their parents or in-laws?   I go to Phillies games with my mom, and my parents make a family dinner every Sunday night, but I don't make plans to go out with my folks - and I surely don't have any intention to do it with my in-laws.    With other family members that are closer in age to us and that we consider friends - yes!   With family members that are banned by the ILs - yes, cause thats the only way we see them.   With friends - OF COURSE!