Sunday, October 23, 2011

Can I trade in laws with someone?!?!

PLEASE?!?!?!   Does any want to deal with CRAZY over-the-top in laws.   You might think yours are crazy, but they can't be worse then mine, and it would be a much welcome break for me to have normal crazy for even a short period of time over CRAZY crazy.

So here's the newest story that everyone is itching to hear about after my facebook updates since last night.    Ill take you back to the "beginning".   My first year dating my hubby, my ILs invited us and my family over to their house for dinner.    Two years ago, my ILs invited us over again, but this time had a larger group of people.   Then last year, our first Thanksgiving as a married couple, his parents decided not to do anything because it was the year that my BIL/SIL spend with her side of the family.    (That is one of many signs that they don't care about their kids/significant others, they only care about our offspring, which we don't have yet, but my BIL/SIL do.)

So last year, we decided to take on the hosting of the Thanksgiving dinner, but we turned it into a lunch - as MANY people in America do a lunch or an EARLY dinner.  My ILs attended, even asked if they could invite a friend (we of course said yes, but she didn't come).  Everyone had such a great time, that we decided to host it again this year.   Hubby told his parents this back in the summer and we sent the invite out 2 weeks ago.

My SIL checked in last week to see if I heard back from them yet - and I hadn't - because they had emailed them to make sure they weren't doing anything, and were just planning on attending my Thanksgiving lunch.   So after BIL/SIL continued to try and figure out what ILs are doing, so that my SIL could finalize plans to attend the luncheon - she finally got an answer.

My ILs decided they are gonna do a dinner because its more traditional and they want to invite their friend.   And they pretty much are expecting my SIL and her family to attend the dinner at 5pm after my lunch that is called for 1:30pm.

I'm sorry - WTF!    I understand that some people jump from Thanksgiving function to function so that they can spend part of the day with all of their family - but those are different sides of the family - not within the same F'ing family.    If your son is hosting a Thanksgiving luncheon - why in g-d's name do you feel the need to host a dinner 3 and a half hours later?!?!?

So I found out about this dinner (of which we weren't invited to) last night as I was getting ready for my sisters Bachelorette party and hubby was getting ready for my future brother-in-laws bachelor party - so it didn't really get to really sink in until today.

So today, I had Hubby call his parents to discuss this situation:
- First off - still no rsvp from them - which I do have to say isn't necessary yet - as its a month away, and the invite has only been out for 2 weeks, but if you know you aren't gonna come because you are gonna back stab us - at least say so
- Second off - you don't even give us the decency to let us know you don't care that we are gonna host a family function, and you are gonna "compete" with us
- Thirdly - Your own son isn't invited to your "traditional" thanksgiving family dinner?!?!?  Its just your offspring who provided grandkids and your best friend?  
- Finally - Did you ever think about how rude you are being - and how if this was turned around how PO'd you'd be with us - and how you would be so "hurt and devastated" that family could do this to you?  (please note - this is NOT how I feel, but this is exactly how my MIL would tell us she feels if the tables were turned).

Wanna guess how the call went?

It ended up being two calls (Shocker!).   The first one (around 4:30pm today), MIL couldn't come up with a story quick enough, so she said that reception was bad and they would talk later.

The second one came around 8:15pm tonight - MIL calling hubby back.   This one was clearly more rehearsed.

Overall this is what was taken out of the conversation(s):
- They didn't know about our lunch until a couple days ago because they didn't see the evite (total bullshit, because one of the great things about evite is that I can at least see when people have viewed the invite - or that they haven't - and MIL viewed it 10 days ago.   Additionally BIL/SIL emailed them to see if they were coming to my place, so they saw that too.
- They didn't invite us because they assumed that we wouldn't be able to go.   Then when Hubby called them out on that, they said they didn't make that assumption, but that we know we are always invited to their place - and we have keys to let ourselves in.    Then they tried to cover their tracks by saying they didn't invite anyone, they didn't even invite BIL/SIL (BULLSHIT - how do they think we know about this?!?!)
- They always host Thanksgiving dinner every other year and invite their/her best friend, and we should know that.   But they understand that we can't come because now that we are married, we have to spend time with my side of the family.   (Yup - they decline our invite and put it on us).

Blah blah blah.   Pretty much, they are acting as if they did nothing wrong, and they understand that we can't spend all the holidays with them.   But of course we are still invited, and can make our final decision all the way up through that day and that they will try to stop by ours.

Oh - I should add that I really tried hard not to make them feel alienated, so I didn't invite my MILs father or sisters and their families (if you don't know the story - long story...short of it is my MIL refuses to talk to her family for absolutely no real reason) even though I really wanted to.  

Right now I really want to tell them that if the tables were turned we would be getting our asses handed to us on a silver platter by them and they would be bitching and moaning about how thoughtless and rude we are and how much we hurt them.   And continue with letting them know I'm done with the games, I plan to make no attempts to sugarcoat anything anymore and make things harder on me to make it easier on them.    And that we probably won't ever see them again, because ALL family will be invited to all events from here on out.

Unfortunately, as "in-your-face" as I can be, I don't have the guts to seperate hubby and our future children from these people Im supposed to call mom and dad.   Additionally, they still have credit card debt on OUR credit card - and at the rate they are going, it will take 3 more years to pay off what could easily be paid off in 3 months AT MOST - and Im just not willing to take on that extra $450 debt.

So any takers on the trading in-laws thing??


  1. It's too bad you don't live closer to me, we could really swap some stories about ILs. My crazy IL stories could give you a real run for your money :) I feel your pain. So many people tell me that I should write a book about their craziness! :) Hang in there!

  2. The only thing that I am surprised about is that they only called twice. Oh, and that they have actually planned something so far in advance, which is very unlike them.

    You have the right to invite anyone you care to invite to any event at your own house. (Like I really need to tell you that ;))

    You are in an impossible situation with them. I can relate with my own parents.