Wednesday, November 18, 2015

2 years later...Bigger and Better

I blogged the other week about what that day was like 2 years ago - the pain, the hurt and the unknown future. But as most of you know, in these last two years, I have grabbed life by the horns and forged a new path ahead and I am much better for the experiences.

I won't lie, the first few months were tough. I was dealing with the emotions of losing my marriage, the internal feelings of failure, and trying to keep it all tucked inside so few others knew what was going on - all while working a full time job, raising two kids (and two dogs) on my own, keeping up with the house – and working out the logistics of a separation.

And then I realized that this new way of life was actually easier than taking care of a grown child and fighting and/or crying all the time. I was happier and was able to focus on me and my needs. I continued to go to therapy for my mental wellness, I started focusing on my eating and fitness, and then I started listening to personal development and before I knew it, I was feeling better inside and out and I had a better handle on my future.

Once I started to realize that life as a single mom was “easier” and better for me, and carrying around the title of separated (or divorced) really wasn’t so bad, I was able to focus on myself. Beachbody released its new program, 21 Day Fix, and it was the perfect program for me. It was the introduction to better nutrition and the starting point to my interest in wanting to learn more for myself and to help others.

With 21 Day Fix, I also got more involved with Beachbody coaching, and took the time to add personal development into my day – mostly via podcasts during my commutes to/from work. All in all that first year was focused on my mental and physical health.

During this year, I started to realize that a true marriage and love was not what I had been involved in in the 3 years prior, and that there was someone out there who would be honest with me, communicate with me, understand what a relationship is and would treat me (and my kids) the way we deserve.  I was nowhere near ready to go there, but I finally was able to recognize that it was out there for me.

In the second year, I decided it was time to put my thoughts into action and focus on my business ideas. Unfortunately, I kept on hitting setbacks and my heart was never there consistently enough.  During this time, my ex started to get every other weekend with the kids and actually started to take his holidays.  This time with their father is something that I knew was best for the kids, but that I had major personal issues with from a health and parenting perspective.  No matter how much personal development I was doing on my own, I knew I needed to focus on getting a better handle on the situation, so I decided to get back to the therapists office to find a way to not let these issues (and my ex) get to me.

And with that, year two involved some dibbling and dabbling on the business front, but mostly ended up being some more focus on my personal growth and mental health through finding acceptance.

My therapist helped me realize that acceptance didn’t mean I was accepting of the bad behaviors.  Instead acceptance (in my situation) means that I’m accepting that I have no control over the issues. I’m accepting that issues will continue to arise due to the nature of my ex and nothing I do will change that, so its better to focus my energies elsewhere.  My biggest acceptance “win” just recently came when I realized that I could continue to ask questions of my ex and continue to get lies for answers, or I could just accept that I will never get the truth from him, and should just stop asking the questions. By accepting this, I no longer get myself worked up every other weekend over his lying to me.

Two years are in the books and I’ve found acceptance and closure for myself, and am looking forward to see what year number three will bring.

My “goals” for year number 3 are to continue to focus on my physical and mental health, grow through personal development and try and get more consistent with my businesses, but I wouldn’t be true to my Type-A, stubborn, always taking too much on my plate, self if I didn’t add more to the list. And so the addition to year number three is one that I truly didn’t think would be in my future for a long, long time, but realized it was time to be vulnerable. I’m putting myself back out there and looking for my better half.

Maybe it will come this year, and maybe it really is a long ways down the line, but no matter what, I’m going to try and enjoy the journey that dating takes me on.  So stay tuned for crazy dating stories. And if I find someone that I think is that special one, but I have blinders on again – please don’t keep it in and just tell me.


But no matter what I take on in year number three, the most important thing is that I do what makes me the happiest, and that I don’t let the antics of others take away from that happiness.

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