Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Back with a Bang!

Note: I started this post about 2 weeks ago - just been too busy to finish, so when I refer to recent days, its really a couple weeks prior.

All my friends kept asking how things were with the ILs cause I hadn't posted anything, and I kept saying that things seemed to be going good and I guess maybe they were learning now that we have kids coming, that they needed to back off a bit.

I was just dreaming...

Or maybe it was the calm before the storm?

Really, I just should have known better.

We somehow have not seen them in almost 3 months, but Hubby has been getting better about calling them and/or emailing them.   But alas, there starts the issue.   It all started probably last Friday or Saturday...

Hubby got a call from his brother, at the same time I got an e-mail from my SIL.    BIL called MIL to say hi, and she didn't pick up - but she emailed him back some crazy email about how she was "decompressing" in the shower because its nice when no one can hear you cry, and its just been rough and blah blah blah, but they are so lucky to have BIL, SIL and their boys in their lives.

So after seeing/hearing about that, Hubby emailed FIL to see how things were doing and FIL responded with "In short, Not Good".    How does one respond to/handle that one?   So Hubby picked up the phone and called to see what's going on.

DUH DUH DUUUUUUUUUUH....the flood gates have opened..

  • He got lectured about how they don't see us.   My counterpoints would be that a) invites work both ways and b) when they did/do invite us over/out, they only invite us when they know it doesn't work with Hubby's work schedule such as a weeknight that isn't Monday, or Saturday "dinner" plans at 3:30pm (he works noon-9pm Tuesday -Friday and 7am-5pm Saturday) - and whenever we tried to get together with them, they were ALWAYS "busy".    They just kept complaining about one thing or another - which we know there is no way to respond that will make them happy - so Adam said he was sorry, and we were just busy with work and preparing for the BABIES.   More complaining.
  • The next day, we got an email from FIL.  MIL and FIL bought us the double stroller we registered for!   This is awesome - don't get me wrong, it was a pricey stroller and I assumed we might need to purchase it, but they let us know a few weeks earlier they were going to buy us our double stroller.   And to be completely honest, I had huge concerns that they were going to pick out some random stroller that we didn't want.   Although ours is expensive it hits 90% of my wants/needs.   The good news is they ordered what we wanted.   The bad news is to save a few bucks (which wasn't even the best savings they could do), they ordered it from one of the furniture stores we looked at and ordered it to be delivered with our furniture.   Issue #1: We haven't ordered furniture, and that place only had one set we liked and wasn't gonna provide as deep a twin discount as the other store, which had 4 sets we liked.   Issue #2: The delivery charge is being paid for by my parents who are very generously buying all of our furniture.   At least ask them before you add on to the delivery - even if it isn't gonna cost extra - it is quite rude in my opinion!
  • A couple days later was MILs bday, and I realized the night before that I never sent out a card to arrive on her bday, which has always been a big no-no.   So we figured we were in trouble.    Hubby called on her birthday to wish her a happy b-day and we seemed to get off with that.
  • But then the day after MILs bday, Hubby got a call from MIL complaining about how I don't call her and give her constant updates on my pregnancy after each doctors appt.   When she was pregnant with hubby, she called her MIL and gave her updates.    Ummmmm - where do I even start with this one??   A) If you want to know how I am - call or email and ask!   We never had a good relationship once Hubby moved in with me and my parents.   MIL has NEVER called me directly, and I have surely returned that favor by never calling her directly.  And B) What happens at the doc is my health information.   There is no reason I should feel like I need to update her - especially when I'm closer with co-workers than I am with her!   Congratulations to her for having a good relationship with her MIL (of course Im fairly certain that was just her fakeness, because I know she talks about Hubbys mom-mom negatively) and being close enough to call her and give her constant updates.   But I am COMPLETELY different from my MIL and have a totally different personality, so she shouldn't EVER expect me to be the same as her or do the same things as her.   And for that matter, no one should ever expect that from anyone - we are all different and do things differently!
  • The very next day, I sent FIL an email inviting him to the Phillies Picnic in the Park that I get tickets to as a season ticket holder.    I knew he wouldn't be able to go because I had already found out when I invited SIL, that MIL and FIL bought tickets to a show for my nephews and were taking BIL and SIL with them as well.   But I wanted to make sure I put the invitation out there in case he found out that I have offered to most of the rest of the family.    In my email, I explained that we get two tickets each year, and that Hubby and I went the first year, but that we try to share the experience with family members as well.    He replied back saying he couldn't go, but maybe next year.   This is a small issue, but one I take great annoyance to!   If someone offers you free tickets to a concert and you can't go - are you gonna assume that the offer will be there again?   That's a rude assumption to make!    We will have two infants next year, and I can't wait to take them and get lots of pictures of them in the clubhouse, in the dugout, on the field, etc.    Why would you assume you are gonna get this offer next year??  
  • And finally 2 days later (3 days after MILs bday), the expected phone call finally arrived.   Hubby got yelled at by FIL for not sending a card.   The most ironic thing is the BIL got a call on MILs bday about how it would be appreciated if the kids actually called MIL on her bday.    The issue being THEY DID, and MIL didn't pick up so they left a voicemail - so BIL confronted FIL and FIL said they have no expectations that we do XYZ and that they send us cards and whatnot because they want to, but its not expected in return.    Oh really now?  

In hindsight, I wouldn't change a thing though!   I much prefer 3 months of quiet and calm and a week of their craziness every 3 months versus seeing them once a month (or more often - AHH!) and having to deal with the pain of the entire experience plus whatever backlash/fights come out of it (because you never walk out of there without some issue to arise from it).

Of course, we invited them for mothers day breakfast at our house, so Im sure there will be more stories to tell after that - because we very rarely see them without a story coming out of it.    Things are only quiet when we don't see them at all :)

P.S. You think since we will see them mothers day, we can get away with not seeing them again until the babies are born?   That's under 3 months :)  Once the babies are here, how long do you think we can hold off after each visit?   I know we will never get away with 3 months again :(

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