Tuesday, December 20, 2011

The end is near...

So you have all read my many posts about my ILs, specifically about my MIL.   Before I continue with this post, I just want to make it clear for all the past posts and any future posts.  As horrible as they treat Hubby and I and as much as we bitch about them, that is pretty much as far as it will go from our side.  

I use this blog as my sort of public journal.   For all, but them, to read.  Its my place where I can write what Im feeling and thinking and that be the end of it.   The Dear MIL letters I have written in the past and have thought about for future posts, are just blog posts.   This is place for me to write it, you to see it, be entertained by their craziness and comment on it.

As much as I would like to tell my ILs that they are about to lose a relationship with Hubby and I and any future children we have, unlike them, I am unable to cut ties with family members and have my children grow up without their (crazy) grandparents if they are alive and well.   I say unlike them because that is important in this post.  

The background on the "unlike them" part is that they have cut ties with almost all family except for Hubby and Hubby's brother and his family.   They have cut ties with MILs sisters and their family and hate the fact that we recently have chosen to have a relationship with them.   They have a bad relationship with MILs father and significant other, and treat them like crap and hate that we all chose to have a relationship with them.   And the only reason they even have a (bad) relationship with MILs father is because he continues to make the effort, and is the only one to do so - g-d forbid she contacts him.   They barely talk to FILs brother and family anymore, although they haven't been completely cut off like MILs family.    FILs mother is in a nursing home and Id be shocked to find out that he visits her even once a month.     FILs cousins have not been cut out, but they don't talk to them.   They were invited to our wedding, but wedding festivities is/are the only time I have seen them in my entire time with Hubby.

So now that you understand all of that...

It looks like the end is near in regards to our relationship and our future childrens relationship with my ILs.    Hubby received an email yesterday from his dad that pretty much trashed me, called hubby cruel and made an attempt to end a relationship with us.   Here is the last paragraph from the email:

I do not know you any more and I am sad at the cold cruel person you have become. I thought we raised better than the person you have become. The time has come for you make a decision. All I ask is that you do it soon so Mom and I can move on with our lives with or without you and Lynda in it.

I drafted a response for Hubby to edit and send (hubby isn't good with those things, so I start them off and then let him go from there).   As of 2 hours ago, he said the letter is perfect as is, but isn't sure what he wants to do yet, so I think its still sitting in drafts.

The letter is not cruel like theirs and pretty much says that it is up to them to accept us for who we are, and we will never make a decision to cut anyone out of our family, but if that is what they want, then they can make that decision.    It also says that if they chose not to make that decision, then they need to learn to treat us with the respect that we deserve, and, as always, the same courtesy will be returned to them.

I was taught that you are born into a family, and you don't get to chose them, you accept them for who they are.   We bitch about them, but we understand this concept.   I just wish they would understand that.

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